I Am CRAZY! 瘋!瘋!瘋!

I'm really happy when I can help out a first-time pregnant friend when she has a certain ache or pain, and I can teach her a few stretches or workouts to make her feel better.  Pregnancy is definitely quite uncomfortable so I'm glad I can help give some advice here and there, especially since I studied and became certified as a personal trainer for pregnant women.   

由於我得到過指導懷孕婦女運動及營養的資格認證，所以我很願意去幫助我身邊第一次懷孕的朋友，做一些伸展動作及運動去減輕身體上的疼痛。

懷孕的過程有時真的很辛苦。能幫我的朋友解決一些問題，真的讓我很開心。

I feel like I learned so much through this course, including tips on how to deal with not only muscle aches, but also with other symptoms of pregnancy like heartburn, constipation, or nausea.  Also, along with the knowledge I learned through the course, I've also had 2 children, and am on my 3rd pregnancy- so I think I can now say that I have lots of experience.

我覺得自己在整個學習課程中得到了好多東西，不單學習到怎樣處理肌肉痛，還學到其他懷孕中的徵狀例如胃灼熱，便秘或噁心想吐的解決方法。不但如此我還有帶兩個孩子及懷第三個孩子的經驗所以我自認對”懷孕”這件事應該算是經驗豐富。

However, I wish I had the answers to everything when it comes to pregnancy.

然而，看起來這只是我的希望，
希望自己對懷孕中發生的所有狀況都有解決方案。

There is one thing that even I cannot control....and it is SO difficult to handle.

有一件事，

我完全無法掌控….
同時非常困難去面對。

I have been EMOTIONAL.

那就是，懷孕讓我變得非常非常的情緒化，

近乎瘋狂的情緒化。

Especially on this 3rd pregnancy。  It's not just crying because of a tv commercial, or being easily irritated.  I feel like I am not even myself anymore and I'm helplessly watching myself go crazy.

特別是在我懷第三個孩子的現在。

這種情形不只發生在連看個廣告也會哭或感到不舒服。
我感覺自己不是自己，同時無計可施的看著自己失去理智。

I know I make it sound so serious, but that's because I feel like it is.  In fact, I really dislike myself when I am overly-emotional.  No.  I hate myself when I'm overly-emotional.

我知道我這樣說聽起來事態非常嚴重。可能因為我自己真的覺得很嚴重吧。

說真的，我實在不喜歡自己太情緒化。

不，我恨自己太情緒化。

I hate when I yell at Malakai because he just won't stop talking but I know all he wants is my attention.

我恨自己會對著凱凱吼叫，

只因為他說話說個不停。

雖然我心裡完全明白他只是需要我的關心….

I hate when I get frustrated at Jordan because I am mad he can't read my mind.

我恨我會對喬登亂生氣，

只因為他沒辦法在我甚麼都沒說的時候知道我在想甚麼…..

I hate when I scream at Eli to "STOP CRYING!" when I know it's a hard age for him because he doesn't know how to talk yet.

我恨我會對凱弟尖叫”不要哭!”

雖然我心裡也完全知道他現在這個年齡無法用言語表達自己的意思…..

I hate when I overreact to something somebody says, thinking that everybody is trying to make me angry.

我恨我對別人說的話反應過度，總覺得他們只是想惹我生氣…

I hate when I sob uncontrollably when I feel guilty that I'm too tired and weak to be a good mom, especially when I know I'm doing my best, and nobody is expecting more from me.

我恨有時自己莫名的感到悲傷而無法停止啜泣…

我恨當我感到由於自己的疲倦及軟弱，無法做一個好媽媽而產生出罪惡感，

特別是，

我恨自己總覺得自己做的永遠不夠好。

I hate when I can't calm down and start to think negatively of everybody.

  我恨自己不能冷靜並把每個人的意思都想成負面的時候….

It is such a strange feeling, to feel like you're not yourself and you can't control yourself.  It's uncomfortable and frustrating, and I find myself fighting myself almost every day to make sure I don't hurt Malakai, Eli or Jordan unintentionally because I can't control these hormones.

這種無法控制自己情緒的感覺非常奇怪。它讓我感到很不舒服也很厭煩。

而且我發現我每天都在跟自己打仗，確認自己不要因為那些不能控制的荷爾蒙而去傷害凱凱，喬登和凱弟的感情。

I think it'd be nice if I could end this entry but offering a healthy solution to this problem, but I really don't have one.  All I know is I can't stress because I don't want my baby to feel it too.  I guess I'll just have to try my very best, and hope it's enough!  Hopefully all the craziness will end soon and I can be that happy cheerful person I usually am.

真希望我能在這篇文章結束時，提出一個健康的解決方案。

但是我真的找不到。我知道我不能有壓力，因為我不希望我肚子裡的baby感到壓力。

我知道我必須盡量克服這些混亂荷爾蒙造成的情緒化反應，並希望這種狀態早日結束，讓原來那個快樂的我趕快回來。

Hope I can get through this insanity quickly!

快讓我從接近瘋子的狀態中解放出來吧!